Typing Test for Unknown Employment

(Please complete in 5 minutes or when the person giving you the test returns.)

When you are ready to look for your first job with the Unknown, you will realize that you need job leads with the Unknown and must know what is expected of you in the Unknown corporate headquarters. Beginning Unknown workers quite often fail to give enough time or consideration to determining the kind of Unknown work in which they are interested and for which they have competence. After you determine what parts of the Unknown you want to work with and are competent to work in, use a variety of job leads to obtain initial job employment. These leads could be found buying Dirk a series of drinks, including buttermilk, or by impressing Scott with your children’s book of branching story paths and stunning visuals, or by writing a complex formal poem with 20 consonants for William’s “Newspoetry” site, or even by dropping off a substantial amount of your favorite illicit substance along with a witty or quixotic note.

Your teacher will explain what your school will do to help you, but do not depend on the school alone. Realize the value of many leads, and follow them up quickly. If you can do so, study a sample online application blank before applying for a job as you will likely have to write a character sketch before you are given an interview. From the study of the blank you will soon realize that it is necessary to be concise and creative in making up the information asked for. Don’t always make an appointment if you expect to have an interview. Too many beginning workers think that this must be done. Sometimes it’s better to simply drop by the Unknown offices with a bottle of expensive liquor. The main purpose of a job interview is to help the Unknown determine the sort of person you are and just what you can do for the Unknown and what you expect in return.

Take your credit cards with you for your interview. Also take a data sheet that lists your school marks, except for those that you don’t wish to disclose, a vague description of your skills, two or three references (drinking buddies or casual acquaintances will suffice) and the names of any previous employers, along with notes on why you don’t want to work for any of those bums anymore. Realize you may have to answer questions about your hobbies or personal habits, especially if they are peculiar, or make for good story material. When you go for the interview for the new job at the Unknown, be prepared to take tests which may or may not prove your competence, or may prove nothing at all. No matter how expert the Unknown interviewing you, she or he will probably want to have some paperwork to shuffle around, as she or he cannot be sure of the soundness of her or his judgment without some irrelevant test results to aid in checking her or his appraisal of your work competence, even though most of the Unknown skill tests, such as the one in basic Swahili grammar, will have little to do with whatever job you are applying for, and may in fact be impossible to complete.

You can expect a part of the employment test to be on English, spelling, and arithmetic. The Unknown expect that you will know how to use a computer to spell-check a document, and though none of the partners are particularly adept with arithmetic, they have a great deal of respect for people who do have math skills. If the job requires skill in typewriting, the test will undoubtedly call for a timed writing and for the typing of a letter or two and a tabulated report. Don’t be surprised if the Unknown take these papers from you and then ignore them completely. They were probably just assessing how you act under stress, or maybe they wanted to keep you busy while they finished a round of golf on their computers. Such a test is not very important, and could be thought of as a routine quiz.

Once they are on the job, beginning workers seem to have difficulty in spelling, in filing, and in using the telephone. The Unknown suspect this is because of drugs, boredom, and uncomfortable headsets. Some find their basic skills quite good: but when they have an unexpected problem or see one of the partners in a compromising position or under the influence, they don’t seem to realize that they should just ignore whatever they just saw and continue to do whatever they were doing. This all adds up to trouble.

There is a need for good personal relations with your fellow workers. This is why we started The Unknown softball team, and this is also why the Unknown can so often be found together with their employees in neighborhood taverns. A jealous worker can cause a lot of friction. Cliques that exclude some just because they are not liked, or don’t write enough, or resort to cliché, or are just plain jerks, will cause trouble too. Where people work together in a busy Unknown office, some may antagonize others, and yet they may not know it. It pays to have good personal relations.

(If you have already typed this far, you either type too fast or should check on the person giving you this test. Please do that now. In the event that the person giving you this test is found unconscious in a pool of drool on the desk, or on the floor near the desk, please lightly check the pulse of the person giving you the test. If the pulse of the person giving you the test is positive, please pour some of the water found in the cooler in the reception area into one of the white paper cones attached to the side of the water cooler. There is a bottle of aspirin on the desk to the left of the water cooler, and there are also several packages of Tums. Please take the cone of water, one aspirin, and two Tums, back to the person who is giving you the test. Shake the shoulder of the person in the pool of drool lightly, and offer him or her the water and tablets. You are hired. In the event the pulse of the person giving you the test is light, or negative, or if you are not able to revive the person in any way, please immediately call Marla [*1 on all office phones], and tell her to send help quick. Thank you for typing. You may now stop typing. Please stop now. Stop typing. Thank you.)

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Suggested Paper Topics for the Hypertext of the Unknown

Kindergarten:
On the Hypertext of the Unknown, there are a lot of words and pictures of these three writers. Using crayons, draw a picture of the unknown, and tell your teacher a little story about planting grass with them, so she can write it down next to the pictures that you draw.

1-3 Grade:
You’re learning how to read, so now you can learn lots of big new words that even your parents don’t know! Find a page on the Hypertext of the Unknown that has a lot of confusing big words. Using your American Heritage Dictionary, look up the definition (what the words mean) of five big words. Then use all of those words in sentences that make up a story of your own! Then write it in cursive writing. Spelling counts!

4-6 Grade:
Write a book report on the Hypertext of the Unknown. Who are the main characters? What happens to them? What details do you think are important? Do the pictures help you understand the story better? How is this hypertext different from most of the books your teachers make you read?

7-8 Grade:
The Hypertext of the Unknown has been called “one of the most challenging works of the late late twentieth century.” Some critics have called it, “exuberant and revitalizing” while others have said it is “juvenile and sophomoric.” One critic named George Will even called it “dangerous.” Using quotes from the hypertext, explain how you think these critics drew their conclusions. Do you think The Unknown is more or less “challenging”, “revitalizing” or “dangerous?” Also, what are some its themes? Extra credit: what does “sophomoric” mean? Use “sophomoric” in a sentence of your own.

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The Unknown in Todays Society

The unknown is a very interesting but important issue in todays society. Being that the unknown is a hypertext novel on the world wide net, which is computers. The unknown involves many controversial drugs, such as PCP or nicotene.

When I read this great hypertext novel I was alarmed. Art you see is sometimes very ugly indeed. But beautiful. Being that the art is what makes us truly human, but demented and strange.

The first reason I think the unknown should not be allowed on the world wide computer is because of the kids of todays’ society. To assure that they grow up not peculiar writers, such as the unknown. The unknown is also very graphic. Sometimes it is not very moving, at other times very. A writer once said “America I smoke marijuana every chance I get.” It certainly must be true.

Another thing about the unknown is that it is very hard to describe. Sometimes there is a map but you don’t know where you are on it. Other times there is too much writing or lists of unknown items such as bookstores. The unknown is very weird and sometimes haunting. But bad for the kids.

In conclusion I think the unknown is a very hypertext novel in the society.

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The Unknown Should Be Banned

For my argumentative paper topic I will write about the Unknown, and how the government should not be giving funds (money) to guys like these, and how it should be banned. That’s not “art” and most artists are just weird people who call themselves that so they can walk around with attitudes and dress funny anyway. Furthermore, I will raise counterpoints to points that I make because like Professor Stratton always says, “An opinion is just a balloon floating about in the aether until it is tied down to earth with the strong rope of logic, only then is it an argument” and also he says, “There are two sides to any equation.” And like we say in marketing class from that Art of War book, “To win you need to understand your enemy.”

First of all, The Unknown is bad because there is:

• Swearing
• Violence

And worst of all, there is

• Drugs and also some
• Sex

All you need to do, my friend, is open up the Good Book and turn to the Ten Commandments. How many of the Ten Commandments do these guys obey? Maybe three.

Now some people might say, “But what they’re doing has nothing to do with religion” and I say they’re wrong, because that’s what God is, is everything, and everywhere he’s watching over and everyone will be judged. You can’t tell me I’m wrong, only that you don’t believe.

So Professor Stratton says that we can’t base our arguments completely on religion cause this is a state school and so second of all, I want to say that The Unknown should be banned because kids could see it.

Kids could see The Unknown on the Internet, which is on the world wide web and has email and netscape. Let me tell you, you can get anything on it. My roommate was looking at some pictures that would make my mother have a heart attack if she knew what was going on in today’s society! There are millions of people on the Internet and most of them are kids! Bill Clinton is putting it in the schools and you know how he is with morals! There should not be internets in schools except colleges if you ask me but that is another argument. But what I am saying is that kids could see The Unknown and get infected. There are ideas in it that are not right for American youth and these people are bad examples!

Now some people might say that there is filtering software that could stop The Unknown from being read by kids in today’s society. I say that those people are living in a dream-world, because that software doesn’t work just listen to what they say about it on the news.

My last and most important point is that the Unknown should be banned because they are bad for America. America is a great and big nation. These guys make fun of the people we elect, which is illegal, and also they even pretend that one of them is a god! I don’t know about you but in my book that’s sacrilege! And that’s a crime too. They even say once that they want to replace the highways with bicycle paths and make everybody go to the doctor on trains! These people are dangerous and my Dad even sent me a column by the famous writer George Will that said so!

Now some people might say some hooey about the first amendment, which is about the freedom of the press and I say these guys aren’t the press! Whatever. These guys are three guys on the Internet and they’re distributing filth and smut and bad ideas. They’re not reporters, so they don’t have what the liberal media calls freedom of the press; I looked it up.

In conclusion, the Unknown is bad for America and so is the National Endowment for the Arts. Why don’t these people just get jobs instead of going after our hard-earned tax dollars?