Date: Tue, 14 May 2002
Subject: best news
From: berto_alto@tank20.com
To: You
DearYou,
Sorry if your spam-blocker has been
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from centuries where neo-classicism is on the rise!
(By Mercurius!)
What’s It Like Back Here?
You ask for glimpses.
Well . . . everything is totally different.
For example:
Kids Today are Glued to the Tube
. . . crowded around the mountain-village storyteller
and her scary, hollow-wooden-tube,
“voice of God” digeridoo
Branding
You’re inundated by personal and company logos
back here . . .
Knights (I mean real knights,
not us fake knights)
are always flouncing their logos around
(logos being the coat of arms on their shields)
and their squires are drawing their logos
with charcoal on every wall and milestone
they pass
Every surface is crawling with graffitti back here.
Every member of our Blue Company
knows how to draw the Blue Company double arrow
. . . and we leave it everywhere.
I insist!
That’s my job!
. . . and of course
some guys get a captor’s logo burned
into their skin with hot metal
Advertising
To attract attention at a crowded market
you’ve got to yell . . .
. . .and since there’s not a hell of a lot else to do
back here
people pour their creativity
into their yelling.
Like . . . the smoked-eel store people
do these elaborate skits
(Rated L=Language, AS=Adult Situations)
whilst waving smoked eels
out the front of their pants
The smoked-eel value proposition
is medicinal —-
smoked eels equal virility & bedroom stamina.
Say you’re approaching a town
in which there are two competing inns . . .
Each inn sends out a team of 2-4 people
who race out onto the high road
and start doing a little roadside performance
I’m King Arthur and I’m weary
where should I stay the night?
Why, sire, you should stay
at the Golden Angel
where we have the driest bedding straw
in all of Christendom!
Be sure to ask about our Spring Special,
a bed, a meal, and a hand job
all for the low, low price of . . .
Greener Grass
Star Wars II is opening, eh?
All the costumed Vaders and Obiwans
sleeping in line at the theater . . .
One big fad back here right now
is for knights to go to tournaments
dressed up as King Arthur characters.
The irony has not escaped some of us.
Embarrassing as it is to admit,
most of us transferred back here
because we felt we were uncool
and we wanted to participate
in the coolness of being real knights
so we discover
that the real knights feel that they’re uncool
and want to participate
in the coolness of being real real knights
It never ends.
The fire’s gone out
and I’m sleepy . . .
A Groggy Good Night
From
Yr Bddy, Brt Alt