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Simpsons Marathon

Marge almost runs over Homer pulling her car into the garage. Bart says, What’s shakin’ Santa? Grandpa’s dentures are stolen by a turtle and Grandpa can’t catch the turtle. Lisa has a dream about riding a talking giraffe. Maggie possesses an abstract, expressionless face. Reverend Lovejoy is voiced by Harry Shearer. Marge promises Homer a tonguebath if he reads a book to Maggie. Ned Flanders believes that the best part of Jesus’ facial hair was the mustache. Springfield gets a monorail. Bart writes on the chalkboard: I will not whistle while walking past the graveyard. Homer is mistaken for Bigfoot. Ralphie Wiggams says, My cat’s breath smells like catfood. Bart finds a blackhead gun at Patty and Selma’s house, holds it like a gangster, and says, Stick ’em up. Crusty the Clown smokes a menthol. Lisa goes to the library and checks out Snow White, by Donald Barthelme. At birth, Bart scores 1 out of 10 on the Apgar scale. Homer goes to the Kwik-E-Mart for a Squishy and a SlimJim. Matt Groenig says, The course of serial narrative is as follows: primitive, classic, baroque, and decadent. The Treehouse of Horrors episode airs the week after Halloween. We learn that Marge’s maiden name is Bouvier. Sideshow Bob tries to murder Bart. Ms. Krabappel goes to Staples and buys a stapler. Bart orders a spy camera and it comes in the mail. Doctor Julius Hibbert tells Homer he has spoon-in-mouth disease, and then he chuckles. This episode of Itchy and Scratchy is entitled Sodom and Tomorrow. The fish Bart catches has three eyes from nuclear waste. Homer’s t-shirt says, No Fat Chicks. Lisa explains that mules are sterile but not impotent. Homer takes Marge to Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn. Barney Gumble burps. Bart is almost kept back in fourth grade. Homer tells Bart, You think it was her tits that made you look twice but it was really her shoulders. Mr. Burns says, Smithers, release the dogs. Mr. Burns says, Excellent. Mr. Burns says, Boffo. Mr. Burns says, Is he one of ours? Patty and Selma favor an Eastern European douche that contains extract of cabbage. Homer says, Doe, and Lisa points at a deer and says, A deer, and then Marge says, A female deer. Ned Flanders likes to call his mustache Mr. Womb-Broom. Bart shakes his head and says, Charlie Brown’s leitmotiv—good grief. Homer uses a hair growth tonic to grow a full head of hair and gets a promotion. Twelve o’clock and all is hell, shouts janitor Willie to an empty elementary school. Marge’s painting depicts a forest of shoe trees. Maggie squeaks her binky. Homer says, Exiting was my exit strategy. Dancin’ Homer becomes the team mascot for the Springfield Isotopes. Patty agrees with Selma: Panties or perfume—never both. Homer puts on a pair of eyeglasses but does not look smarter. Bart watches a documentary about a Canadian humorist who teaches his five year old son to say funny instead of laughing. Mentally, the medium Duff t-shirt still fits Homer. Ralphie’s shirt is inside out and backwards. Lisa asks the applepicker how he deals with the symbolism all day long. Marge invents a boardgame called Approximate Anagrams that let’s everybody be a winner. Lisa has a new mantra: I am quiet as a pearl. Marge makes her own mayonnaise, so—long story short—Homer’s race to three hundred pounds began right after they got married. Principal Skinner has a Vietnam flashback. Principal Skinner has an acid flashback. Principal Skinner has a Bart flashback. Otto Mann’s t-shirt says, I smoked an acre of Jamaica. In a practiced stage-whisper, Marge says, Nobody credits me for my irony. Ned Flanders believes that an obnoxious mustache is a successful mustache. Milhouse is the kid in school with the smallest pencil—like, ridiculously small. Homer doesn’t like to choke Bart. The Simpsons all sit on the sofa at the same time and wait for something new to happen.

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