Three men were coming at me: Jimmy, Harrigan, and Baxter. The first two came on foot, faster than I would have thought possible, Baxter on a motorcycle — far faster than that. In a flash Baxter was gone, Jimmy had fallen, Harrigan was shouting something and falling as well.
And then Jimmy was gone.
He had lunged for the grenade that landed near my feet and tried to bat it away from me. He got it away from me, but not fast enough from himself.
Jimmy was gone. I knew it even when Harrigan came over, picked me up, turned me around, dragged me away. His gun had been drawn, but the whole thing had happened so fast he hadn’t a chance to make a safe shot. He stood me up next to Jo, who put her arms around me, whispered I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Mina called for an ambulance, but it could be any amount of time before one came. She and Harrigan moved Jimmy’s body away, covered him with a raincoat. I didn’t get to see his face one last time.
I stood there listening to the silence of the city and thought about how, right before I met him, I had been taking steps to disappear, to erase myself, to hide away from the world. I had decided long ago that I wanted the world to leave me alone, much the way Ruth Baxter had wanted this. But maybe that’s only what I pretended to want. Since our meeting in that now-wrecked courier’s office I’ve been seeking people out, staying with them, allowing them to stay with me — Jimmy, Harrigan, and even Ruth. Maybe that’s the reason I hid in the middle of metropolis, because what I really wanted all along was connection and not isolation.
That was what I wanted. Now I was paying the price. I always knew I would end up watching a lot of people die over the course of my lifetime. Everyone does. For me in particular, the chances are I will outlive everyone I care about. That happened with Jimmy; I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. I had only known him for a few days but the world suddenly seemed less hopeful, the future less promising, the possibilities for any kind of joy less likely.
+
Harrigan stood next to me in silence for a long time. I don’t know how long. I knew Harrigan wasn’t going to say anything until I did, so finally I said, tonelessly, “What now.”
Harrigan looked away. People seem to do that a lot, as though it’s hard to have to see me, to deal with my unfathomable presence in their world. “Now we go after the guy who did this to Jimmy.”
I knew I should clench my fists and scream something like fuck yeah, like Jimmy himself might have done, but I couldn’t even move. Any reaction I had at that moment seemed like it would be an acknowledgement that Jimmy was gone forever and that I’d have to continue without him. I’d lived most of my life without him, of course, but at the moment it was impossible to remember what that life was like — or to imagine what it would be like from now on.
Finally I spoke. “We’re supposed to be looking for Lindstrom, not Baxter. You are supposed to be looking for Lindstrom, anyway — remember your clients?”
Now Harrigan turned to face me and didn’t look away again. “Yes, I remember my clients. I also remember Maggie. And Jimmy. And I know what’s more important right now. I know you haven’t trusted me completely, and you were right not to, because the thing I haven’t told you is who my clients really are. They aren’t a rich, well-meaning couple. They’re Carson-Mills. They’re beyond rich. And they are not particularly well meaning.”
He let that sink in, but it didn’t take long; the news hardly seemed shocking to me compared to everything else that had gone down lately, only mildly confusing. “So they want his secrets — or what they think are his secrets?”
“They want a lot of things from him. They were in fact one of the companies that secretly funded the original Lao Baby lab. Obviously given what went on there, they’ve made it a point to maintain secrecy about the whole thing. After a while they figured once they found him and had dibs on the longevity gene — as they believe is their right — all would be forgiven.”
“But they must have been trying to find him for 40 years. Why would they… I mean…”
A half-smile flickered across his face. “Why would they hire someone like me?” I shrugged. “I’m their last ditch effort. They hired me because the world’s going to pieces and Lindstrom doesn’t have much time left in it. Everyone knows he’s an old man, and the more desperate people become, the more likely it is he’ll be found. Like everyone else, Carson-Mills wants to find him first. Unlike everyone else, Carson-Mills has a contingency plan in case they don’t find him first. Me.”
“You were hired to assassinate him,” I blurted. “You were going to be the spoiler.”
He didn’t reply right away. He didn’t need to. After a solid minute he finally turned to me and spoke. “So now you know everything. Well, everything except this: I’m off the clock with them. I didn’t tell you about them before because I was instructed not to, plus I figured you might not be so willing to go along with the true story. But that doesn’t matter now. My goal is to get the son, to hell with the father.”
“I bet Carson-Mills would make you a rich man if you did what they asked.”
“I bet it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference to me if they did.”
I smiled. “Harrigan, thanks.”
“For?”
Staying alive, I wanted to say, please keep staying alive, don’t join Maggie and Jimmy, I couldn’t bear that right now. “Telling me that,” I said instead.
He nodded again, the faintest trace of relief in his eyes.
I trusted Harrigan. The problem was I didn’t know how much to trust Ruth. Even now that she had witnessed first-hand one of her offspring trying to kill another, her face gave away nothing. It was my face too, in part, though I couldn’t see that when I thought of myself. If Ruth had imagined her revelation was going to compel me to break the happy news to Jo and Mina and bring us all running to her arms for a family-reunion embrace, she was sadly mistaken, though I rather doubt that had been going through her mind. But what was going through her mind? Ruth Baxter was tagging along with people who wanted to find her lover and her son — and wanted at least one of them dead. Was she tagging along, was she leading us, or were we bringing her because she was too valuable — and dangerous — not to bring with us? And why was she going with us, given the potential outcome?
The Wileyans had regrouped and moved on into the park, insisting they were fine, brushing aside offers of aid and concern that they might be infected. They disappeared into the trees, furtive but purposeful, like some weird pack of migrating animals. The two Lao women had stayed a bit longer to support me in my grief, but I knew they were anxious to get going on their mission so I nodded to Jo for them to continue on. Jo shook her head impatiently — that can wait, she seemed to say, reminding me even more of Maggie.
Her face changed, though, when Mina pulled her aside, alternately whispering urgently to her and talking on her phone. Jo stared at Mina for a moment and then nodded. She returned to me, both concern and apology on her face, and I knew something else had happened in this day of too much else happening.