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My Secret Brand

My secret brand whistles three notes. My secret brand is a recognized leader in the market. My secret brand is avuncular and auntacular My secret brand has been working on a train story ever since Johnny Cash passed. My secret brand is task-focused and goal-oriented. My secret brand has a density that is off the charts. My secret brand decries corporate irredentism. My secret brand laughs when it says glow sticks. My secret brand will date your sister—even the sister that no other brand will date. My secret brand is fomenting public disbelief in its competitors’ claims. My secret brand owns two-thirds of the market share. My secret brand told you that joke a few years ago that you keep telling yourself. My secret brand is like the Blue Man Group without any makeup or messy props. My secret brand is flexible on grammar, usage, and punctuation as long as the error benefits voice. My secret brand considers the sun but does not stare at it. My secret brand is deferential, glad to be of use. My secret brand is no longer carbonated. My secret brand will hold a grudge for a maximum of seven years. My secret brand is taking a little break. No biggie. My secret brand can make any space habitable. My secret brand says yes to fried clams and pink lemonade. My secret brand has engineered great comebacks in the past and has a history of falling up. My secret brand is all about Saturday afternoon. My secret brand is tall. Taller than NBA tall. Taller than storybook tall. Taller than fee-fie-foe-fum tall. My secret brand is wide. I won’t say how wide exactly or offer here any similes of wideness. My secret brand seeks strategic partnerships that are mutually rewarding. My secret brand is all the way live. My secret brand can dunk, sure, but my secret brand just goes in for the layup. My secret brand has a flannel tongue, a vibram sole, a steel toe. and unbreakable laces. My secret brand is defined by its tastes, some illegal and others harmful to the soul. My secret brand is a stack of old notebooks, their margins doodled to death. My secret brand eats when it’s hungry and drinks when it’s dry. My secret brand asks only for your disposable income. My secret brand appreciates your loyalty. My secret brand is all over me. All over me.

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