Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 13:43:09
Subject: Want to have sex?
From: susannenbreone@aol.com
To: skipvskip@hotmail.com

Skip,

Upon reflection and reconsideration, I think that some of my earlier comments to you were harsh. Also, thank you for the way that you’ve studiously ignored me at Starbucks. Your nervous schoolboy’s awkward dash into the bathroom this morning the moment I arrived in the latté line was particularly charming.

For essentially therapeutic reasons of my own having little or nothing to do with you, by the chance arrangement of emails in my inbox, I’d like to propose that we have sex this Saturday night at the Palmer House Hotel.

I don’t want you to misunderstand this.

I’m not interested in getting involved with you.

I’d just like to have sex with you — one time only.

In my mind, I probably won’t even technically be having sex with “you.”

You’ll be a physical manifestation of the abstract concept of “fucking a man” only.

I’ll primarily be fucking you as catharsis, as revenge.

I do have a few conditions:

1. Your certification via email that you neither have nor have had in the past any venereal diseases I should know about.

1. You will be responsible for ample birth control protection, both condom and spermicidal cream.

1. Prior to our act of congress, we will go out for the below-offered Italian meal. We will eat well and drink expensive red wine. You will pick up the tab. I’ve made reservations at the Italian Village for 8:15 PM.

1. I will pick up the tab for the hotel room.

1. Outside of your emailed response, you will not contact me in person either before or after Saturday night. You should continue to avoid and not disturb me when I am drinking my morning coffee.

1. Neither you nor I will stay the entire night in the hotel room. We will leave, separately, after we are done.

I hope that you are clean and that you will have no expectations. Also to be clear: it is exclusively by chance that I have chosen you for this function. If your friend Berto weren’t in the hospital, I’d choose him over you in a heartbeat. But here we are and there you have it.

Please confirm,

Susanne