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Blue Company: best news

Date: Tue, 14 May 2002
Subject: best news
From: berto_alto@tank20.com
To: You

DearYou,

Sorry if your spam-blocker has been
resisting these e-mails

Many doctrinaire e-mail servers block out e-mail
from centuries where neo-classicism is on the rise!

(By Mercurius!)

What’s It Like Back Here?

You ask for glimpses.
Well . . . everything is totally different.
For example:

Kids Today are Glued to the Tube

. . . crowded around the mountain-village storyteller
and her scary, hollow-wooden-tube,
“voice of God” digeridoo

Branding

You’re inundated by personal and company logos
back here . . .

Knights (I mean real knights,
not us fake knights)
are always flouncing their logos around

(logos being the coat of arms on their shields)

and their squires are drawing their logos
with charcoal on every wall and milestone
they pass

Every surface is crawling with graffitti back here.

Every member of our Blue Company
knows how to draw the Blue Company double arrow

. . . and we leave it everywhere.
I insist!
That’s my job!

. . . and of course
some guys get a captor’s logo burned
into their skin with hot metal

Advertising

To attract attention at a crowded market
you’ve got to yell . . .
. . .and since there’s not a hell of a lot else to do
back here
people pour their creativity
into their yelling.

Like . . . the smoked-eel store people
do these elaborate skits
(Rated L=Language, AS=Adult Situations)
whilst waving smoked eels
out the front of their pants

The smoked-eel value proposition
is medicinal —-
smoked eels equal virility & bedroom stamina.

Say you’re approaching a town
in which there are two competing inns . . .

Each inn sends out a team of 2-4 people
who race out onto the high road
and start doing a little roadside performance

ARTHUR
I’m King Arthur and I’m weary
where should I stay the night?

GOLDEN ANGEL TOUT
Why, sire, you should stay
at the Golden Angel
where we have the driest bedding straw
in all of Christendom!

ANNOUNCER
Be sure to ask about our Spring Special,
a bed, a meal, and a hand job
all for the low, low price of . . .

Greener Grass

Star Wars II is opening, eh?
All the costumed Vaders and Obiwans
sleeping in line at the theater . . .

One big fad back here right now
is for knights to go to tournaments
dressed up as King Arthur characters.

The irony has not escaped some of us.

Embarrassing as it is to admit,
most of us transferred back here
because we felt we were uncool
and we wanted to participate
in the coolness of being real knights

so we discover

that the real knights feel that they’re uncool
and want to participate
in the coolness of being real real knights

It never ends.

The fire’s gone out
and I’m sleepy . . .

A Groggy Good Night
From

Yr Bddy, Brt Alt

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